It's is finished. ... Finally.

It's been 3 months since I last recorded my life...

So many things has changed since then, everything rushing to the closure of another chapter in my life.

I wonder, how many chapters would there be at the end of my book?

It's so hard to imagine the future now... it's pretty much a desolate landscape out there...

What do I truly want in life?

Today, Christmas day is the last day of my 15 month stint in Mediacorp.

Suffice to say, even for the last few weeks, I've woken up at night in cold sweat, thinking that there was something I have not done concerning work.

I want to be good... truly, really good at something...

Something which I can be proud of about myself...

But every corner I see, there is another mountain to climb, another river to cross...

... sigh...

May 11

I'm here to build my portfolio. To ensure my success for a future that seems so bleak.

Upcoming Projects

1) Lose To Win Season 2
2) The Winning Post
3) Badminton Opens
4) Commonwealth Games 2010
5) Youth Olympics, Singapore 2010
6) Aviv Swimming Meet
7) Formula One, Singapore
8) Asian Games, Guangzhou 2010

By the end of this year, I vow to have all 8 projects completed successfully on my portfolio...

This I've completed

1) Lose To Win Season 2
2) The Winning Post
3) Li-Ning Badminton Open 2010
4) Delhi Commonwealth Games 2010
5) The Inaugural Youth Olympics, Singapore 2010
6) Sports@SG - Asian Games Special
7) Formula One, Singapore Night Race 2010
8) Asian Games, Guangzhou 2010

It's quite good actually, and I amaze myself as to how I actually managed to do finish something like that.

It was seriously not easy... and I tried to give up countless times for a better life.

But, persevered I did....

I wonder will this portfolio be any good...

I made so many good friends in Mediacorp, so many people whom are genuinely good hearted and helpful... and of course, there are nasty people as well, but work is work and I always separate work from personal grudges as much as possible.

As of now, I have a full 2 years of experience working in the media.

Will it help?

Only the future will tell...

I try to think that what I'm doing is securing my life.. but really, I do know better...

I'm a monster trying to win another monster inside me..

Like an endless vicious cycle of perfection, nothing will ever prove to be enough for me...

Everything - perfect.

It'll probably destroy me one day... but I really feel that I won't be able to take it if I have to hand up a blank report to my Father one day.

A trillion billion human souls, what am I to offer?

... It's a cold, stormy Christmas evening....

... This year has proven to be far more stormy...

And, I've managed to pull through...

... haha.. can't believe it myself...

So happy I could cry...

It's over, Andrew... dispel your nightmares, rest your soul. Make peace with yourself.

You've done well.

I dedicate this year to Jesus, on His birthday... because He did answer my prayer after all.

2010.

This chapter closes,

and the next one opens.

AUSTRALIA.

I'm crying again.

I can't belive it. It's fucking wussy.

But I hate the feeling when I've tried my best and it still fails.

I think this job is not for me.

I'm going to throw in the letter very soon...

and I swear I'm never turning back to this line again.

No matter how much I try, how much I do, it always fails.

IT ALWAYS FAILS.

Everything will go on well in the beginning, then it all crashes to the floor when the stress hits.

It may sound damm weak;

but I seriously cannot take stress.

I can give an excellent piece of work, distinction even, if you don't stress me.

But the moment I feel stressed out, you can assure that everything is going to fly out of the window.

THIS IS ONE OF MY BIGGEST WEAKNESS.

And I've painstakingly, painfully, utterly agonizingly realized it over the past year.

I HATE stressful jobs.

I CANNOT TAKE stressful jobs.

Go ahead, mock me. Laugh...

I'm gone already.

I"ve lost all confidence in myself.

I've lost every last vestige and facet of confidence.

Everytime I do something correct, it only amounts up to a critical point in time when it will all fail again..

I"m sick and tired of this vicious cycle.

NO matter how much preperation I do, it fails.

NO MATTER HOW MUCH WORK AND EFFORT I PUT IN IT FAILS!!!!!!!

why the fuck do I even bother?

do you know how sick and tired I am?

*cries*

Hard Lessons

I felt like screaming, but nothing came out.

I can't post this on Facebook, so I'll do it here.

I know you think I'm useless.

I know you think that I'm a hardworking nutcase with no brains for anything.

Each time I see that exasperated look in your eyes I fall down another step.

Steps which I took so long to climb up.

I have no idea why you are so exasperated with me.

Is it because you've left your "mistakes" behind you, so far away that you forgot how much it hurts when people deride you for mistakes you don't even know you committed?

I'm sorry. If that is the case, I'll never be good enough for you.

Nor will anybody be.

Maybe except girls.

I've often wondered, when I first stepped into Mediacorp, why there are so many females and so, so little of their counterparts.

Over the months, I've come to understand why.

The reason is simple -

People think twice before kicking females around.

People think twice before shouting and scolding and throwing stuff at females.

People think twice before giving a female more work to do if there is a male around.

Maybe it's because I swing the other way thats why I realize that so blatantly in the organization.

I had to get this off my chest after swallowing so much SHIT today.

This is my FIRST time doing a live show.

I'm doing it WITHOUT an in-house AP by my side, unlike almost ALL the other Olympics, SEA Games, Asian Games and whatnot.

The "grandmaster" AP was around for 8 years in Mediacorp, until she quit last year. Subsequently followed by two very "shitty" APs.

... come to think of it, I wonder why.

I've been thinking, were they truly shitty? Or was it because they were simply thrown into a vast lake without a lifeline and just left to sink?

I've been scolded countless times from my boss when he/she asks me,

"Have you gotten this done yet?"

and I give *a blank look*

the reason why I give "the blank look" is because I simply didn't even know I was supposed to do it.

And their repl(ies) to that would be something like

1) Roll eyes and make you look like the biggest loser in the world

2) say, "Then why didn't you ask?" (IMHO, this is the stupidest question in the world because, you're asking me to ask something that I didn't know I'm even suppose to ask!)

3) Ask someone else to do the job, which ALSO makes you feel like shit because you CAN actually do it, but because NOBODY said anything, your job splatters on another unfortunate soul. (It makes you feel like you're accumulating bad karma.)

I'm the ONLY sports assistant producer in Mediacorp, and I learnt EVERYTHING from scratch.

I only see my "teacher" twice a week, and on special occasions, maybe more.

All I had to refer were scraps of notes handed down from previous generations of APs to me.

There was NO ONE to guide me.

NO ONE to teach me.

NO ONE to protect me.

NO ONE to tell me what to do next.

So each time I get scolded, slammed, derided, insulted, slandered, I swallowed it and took it as one of my learning lessons.

I bet for the past EIGHT years at least, no sports AP had to resort to learning in this fashion.

I felt like screaming, but nothing came out.

Because I know I have another four months to go.

I totally agree when one of the producers recalled what an assistant producer said before he left.

He turned around and screamed at the EP, "DO YOU KNOW WHAT IS WRONG WITH MEDIACORP? IT'S PEOPLE LIKE YOU!"

Reflecting on that statement, Mediacorp is probably one of the worst places to work at in the world.

But it is my training ground.

That is why I stifled my scream.

I stifled till tears almost came out.

Yes.

Just walk away.

You may be better then me, for now, but I swear across my life that I'll surpass you by far one day.

And I will be a better person, compared to you.

I will learn.

I will learn everything I know.

Each emotional scar, each slam, each derogatory remark, each slander, I will remember, and I will learn from them.

They will remind me what I will not do in the future.

I will not become like you.

I miss being free.

I miss being able to plan my own time to do my own stuff.

I miss being able to do my own things without worrying about what tomorrow will bring.

Being an assistant producer is probably one of the most dedicated jobs in the world.

Dedicated as in: You can't be an AP if you don't dedicate your entire life to it.

I'VE LOST MY HANDPHONE.

IF ANYBODY FOUND IT, PLEASE CALL MY HOUSE @ 62241664

Why the fuck do I try so hard when everything eventually goes wrong?

When everything goes wrong, the person who did the most work GETS THE BLAME.

Why?

For obvious reasons. Because he did the most work.

FUCK.

FML.

How can so many wrong things happen in one day?

Masks

There is a mistake that everybody makes.

The presumption that they are always correct and everybody else is wrong.

It's hidden under a mask called "self-confidence".

....

Throughout my life I never had much. Slowly, in the recent years, I meet truly humble people and unparalleled boastful people. It's only now when I start to compare; where is my place in humanity?

The more I see the world, the more I feel smalled. Like a child that has always been swimming in a swimming pool, thrown to speculate the size of the ocean.

HOW MUCH AM I WILLING TO SACRIFICE TO ATTAIN MY GOALS?

In fact...

What is my goal?

I tell this to everybody who asks me this question:
First and foremost, to make sure that when I'm at the end of my life, I can look back, smile and tell myself that I have no regrets.

... that I can tell that I have impacted the world in some way...

... that I can touch my heart and say that I did everything conscionable...

... that I can close my eyes and know that when I open them again, I will be able to give a full and justifiable report; a report that would make my Father smile and say, 'well done'.

Yes.

It's vague. Seriously, it's so sweeping that it makes "goals" seem really out of context.



Some people say that I'm doing too much work.
Some people say that I'm doing too little work (compared to their time).

I feel that no work is too much for me if there is something inside it for me to learn.
(As quoted from my Shi Fu: Fu Ying)

An ex-good friend of mine told me this:
"You treat everybody as stepping stones, being close to them when you need them and discarding them like rubbish when you don't"."

It gave me pause to a scathing conversation that I was having with him.

It scared me.

Have I become such a monster?

Have I become so ruthless, have I become like the people that I hate in the first place?

Over the years, I've learnt never to trust anybody except myself. It's what gives me strength, knowing that as long as I don't delegate "trust" to anybody, I can never fail Me.



... Nobody really knows who is the real me.

Nobody knows because I don't want anybody to know.
For people who think they know me, they merely know what I want them to know about me.

Dig as they might, they will not find beyond what I want them to know about me.

I'm a person who has put on so many masks in my life that I've forgotten which is my real face anymore.

If you think you see Andrew as intelligent and hardworking - It's what I want you to think
If you think you see Andrew as slow and lazy - It's what I want you to think

If you think Andrew is pious and filial - It's what I want you to think
If you think Andrew is hedonistic and unfilial - It's what I want you to think

It's in this moments when I flash a mask over my face, so quickly that sometimes, I don't notice it myself.

... at this moment, when I look back at my self-defense mechanisms, I scare myself.
I scare myself because sometimes, when you put on mask, you cannot take it off without consequences.



Without consequences.



Even in the stifling office, with nobody around me, I'm still putting on a mask.

There are piles of tapes and papers around me, giving an illusion that I'm swamped.

I'll never really get out of this cycle.



If you really want to be close to me, you'll have to accept that you'll never really know the true me. You can tear off as many masks that I have, but there will always be one underneath to replace it.
... Because I've forgotten which one is my original face.

Hemorrhaging Thoughts

It's been like almost forever since I last posted on my blog, even I am starting to wonder if it's still alive or not...
*attempts to resuscitate*

sigh... Life is pretty much no longer like a roller coaster. It's like a permanently upside down roller coaster.
They said that life would get easier in P5, but I'm inclined to disagree.

True, it's not as physically exhausting as Chinese Drama, but the mental torment is psychotic. My outlook calendar is frightening.
Not even in my army days has my outlook calendar look so psychotic, even during IKC2 periods...

Working hours are also significantly longer then Chinese Drama..

=/

I keep telling myself, I'm not here to earn money, I'm not here to play, I'm not here to enjoy myself.
I'm here to learn, to make friends, to get contacts.

I'm here to build my portfolio. To ensure my success for a future that seems so bleak.

Upcoming Projects

1) Lose To Win Season 2
2) The Winning Post
3) Badminton Opens
4) Commonwealth Games 2010
5) Youth Olympics, Singapore 2010
6) Aviv Swimming Meet
7) Formula One, Singapore
8) Asian Games, Guangzhou 2010

By the end of this year, I vow to have all 8 projects completed successfully on my portfolio...




sometimes... like a child running away from home, I keep turning around to look back... My past was really unique, something that few people can ever compare to. But despite all the trauma and mishaps, I still pulled through...

Maybe I became a monster, maybe I became better.. I don't know...


In the silence, sometimes all I want is to hear your voice...
It's lonely, when you sacrifice everything to pursue one thing.

I don't know how long you can hold on...

But if you believe, don't let go.

I can go berserk, I can go crazy, I can become terribly spiteful, I can become sarcastically painful. I can be nasty, I can be irritating, I can be downright malicious.

But if you let go, I'll really, really fall forever..
















I love you.
You may not believe it.
I may not believe it.
I love you.

A List of Thanks

Have you wondered why the most hellish places on earth are the most memorable?

I realized that it's because in these places, people are forced to stick together, reconcile differences and share their misery.. and it is when they realize that they're not alone in their state, friendships are formed.

I'm really going to miss working in Channel 8 Drama Department, simply because the people there are (read:) AWESOME. A-W-E-S-O-M-E.

Author's disclaimer: I'm referring to the people who work with me, NOT the LKKs upstairs who couldn't give two fucks on the suffering of their own subordinates downstairs.

I suck at Chinese. Seriously. Anybody who knows me knows that I'm an English speaking person. Jiak Kantang pai. But the people in Chinese Drama try to talk to me in English, knowing that I have difficulty communicating to them in Chinese during certain stressful moments.

I'm thankful that for the two shows I'm personally involved in, my directors are such fantastic people:

1) Wen Wen (Wu Fu Dao)

2) Yiyou (Wo Zai Ni Zuo You)

and my APs,

1) Yishan (Wu Fu Dao)

2) Jian Ting (Wo Zai Ni Zuo You)

it's funny, when you look back on everything. All these crazy stress and working hours made us all uber cranky as well.

We all do stupid things when we are tired + stressed + crazy + depressed.

To my Chinese Drama friends:

- Yishan (AP)

- Fiona (AP)

- Christina (AP)

- Joyce (AP)

- Jian Ting (AP)

- Ziqing (AP)

- Wilson

- Anna

- Jyashika

- Shi Yi

- Xin Ni

- Shuang Ying

- Shu Ying

- Wei Liang

- Carmen

- Xiao Peng You (AP)

- Janet (AP)

- Yan Ping (AP)

- Zann (AP)

- Shi Ni (AP)

- Hong Ren (AP)

- Nicole (AP)

- Liang Cai (AP)

- Josephine Da Jie (Wardrobe)

- Mong Kok Da Ge (Wardrobe)

- Jin Hua Da Jie (Wardrobe)

- Mei Zhen Da Jie (Wardrobe)

- Sasha (Wardrobe)

- Alvin (Makeup)

- Wai Gor (Makeup)

- Rina (Casting)

- Rinea (Casting)

- Liyun (PC)

- Lingli (PC)

- Wen Wen (Director)

- Lai Ling (Director)

- Yi You (Director)

and many many people who made my life so much more bearably easier in CD, THANK YOU!!

*huggs*

I know most of you will never see this post, but I just want to keep this post to remind me of every single one of you who thought me so many things.

12 more days! Good bye! xD

The Light at the end of the Tunnel

People wonder how far life can take them.

I wonder how far I can push life.

... seriously. I don't think I've fallen so sick for a long time. Just when I've got a nice day off, I had to fall sick.

Doesn't happen in army, seem to happen all the time now.

Mediacorp Channel 8 is pretty much the most hellish of hellholes there is for "work" out there. I mean, clocking 100 hours a week on average? No OT? No planned offs?

Not many people can afford that kind of life.

However, those that can, realize that when they leave, they leave with a wealth of experience no amateur can hope to garner within a short span.

Haha.. for those of you who are already guessing by now.

YES
YES
YES!!

I am leaving Channel 8 for good!

My first new year resolution for the year is going to be fulfilled within... lets see.. 27 days!! OMG!!!

Haha.. I feel so exhilarated.

True, I was having the learning experience of a lifetime there, but my body stamina was beginning to take a toll and yes, my self-assumed indestructible body seems to be taking a strain.

I'm grinning to myself as I type this on my friend's laptop just outside Starbucks.

*cough*

I'm also offered to continue to fill in a position as Assistant Producer for Channel 5.

I don't consider it either a boon or bane, as it's a totally different world and culture over there. Hahaha.. how many of my colleagues would die to be pushed over there... *winks at Carmen*

I can see my gym routine, my anaerobic and aerobic cycles coming back, and being able to play in the band once again!

xD

This is joyous. I can hear angels singing. =p

Thank God.

But now, I'm caught between whether I should presume that I'm selected for the local university and if yes, should I just do a fun job for the next 4 months, or should I continue trying to gain as much experience as possible.

I realized, only when one of my friends informed me, that I've never ever really had a long break in my life before..

Between Primary and Secondary school: No break.

Between Secondary and Poly: 6 months break, worked as a chef in Pastamania

Between Poly and NS: 9 months break, worked as an AV Producer in STOMP

Between NS and Uni: 10 months break, have been working for 6 months as Asst. Producer in Mediacorp...

should I take a break and relax for once?

I'm really at an impasse.

Sigh.

But knowing my character, I won't be able to stay still for long.

If I'm actually forced to take a break and not work, (assuming I still have a trickle of pocket money), I'd probably take to going to the gym 5 days a week and cooking for the other two.

My mind is really quite cluttered with happy thoughts.

I mean, the near future doesn't seem quite as dreary for the time being.

and... for all my friends whom I have knowingly neglected for the past months, we should have a good long celebration soon yeah!

haha...

I'm saving up money for my university. Managed to save quite a hefty sum already in my opinion. But I won't rest until I get at least 3500 in a solid lump sum.

sigh.... University IS expensive...

okok... Going home le! =)

Wisdom from a CG NPC

"Lad, no one feels ready. No one feels he deserves it. And you know why? Because no one does. It's grace, pure and simple. We are inherently unworthy, simply because we're human, and all human beings--aye, and elves, and dwarves, and all the other races--are flawed. But the Light loves us anyway. It loves us for what we sometimes can rise to in rare moments. It loves us for what we can do to help others. And it loves us because we can help it share its message by striving daily to be worthy, even though we understand that we can't ever truly become so. So stand there today, as I did, feeling that you can't possibly deserve it or ever be worthy, and know that you're in the same place every single paladin has ever stood."

- Uther,The Lightbringer (World of Warcraft)

The Clock Ticks Whether You Like It or Not.

生命并非因为死亡而结束，
生命是从每一分每一秒的流逝，
日复一日的拖延，
累积了千万个小小的漠视之后才结束的。
如何生如何死全操在你手中

Kudos to Google *salute*

Google's bold threat to pull out of China has put a spotlight on something many in the tech sector have long groused about: China has been able to wedge its way into the hottest tech services by bending ground rules in its favor.

Google, Microsoft, Yahoo, Facebook, Twitterand other companies covet a foothold in China's massive consumer market of 1.3 billion tech-hungry citizens.

But China recognizes the growth potential of its home market, as well. It launched the state-controlled Baidu search service in 2000, which now controls 62% of the China search market, according to researcher ComScore. And the government keeps close tabs on popular social networks such as Qzone, a huge hit with teenagers, and Zhanzuo, popular with college students.

Meanwhile, China has hamstrung efforts by Google, Microsoft and Yahoo to introduce versions of their respective search services to Chinese consumers. Each has had to agree to censor content at the behest of the Chinese government. And from time to time, most Western companies operating in China have been hit with unexpected, unexplained service disruptions.

Last June, for instance, just as Microsoft was rolling out the latest iteration of its search engine — Bing — disruptions hit Bing, Google, Yahoo Search, Twitter and Facebook. This occurred in conjunction with government attempts to keep unapproved media coverage of the 20th anniversary of the Tiananmen Square massacre from reaching the wider citizenry.

Such hassles highlight "the additional risks to all businesses, particularly Internet businesses, who are investing in China," says Kevin Lee, CEO of search consultants Didit. "The Chinese government isn't beyond playing hardball for either business reasons or philosophical reasons."

Wenqi Gao, spokesman for the Chinese consulate in New York, told The New York Times that China is committed to protecting the rights of foreign companies operating in China.

On Tuesday, Google played hardball right back. Citing irritation over cyberattacks, the search giant said it will no longer adhere to censorship rules and may pull out of China.

It's extremely rare for a corporate entity to try to publicly shame China into lightening up on censorship.

"Google's dead in China," predicts Shaun Rein, managing director of China Market Research Group, a research and consulting firm in Shanghai. Even if the company were to stay on, no one in China "would have the confidence to do marketing campaigns" with them.

Google was starting to reap small dividends in China, after opening a beachhead office in Beijing in 2006. Gene Munster, tech industry analyst at Piper Jaffray, estimates Google's Beijing operations generate about $400 million a year — a fraction of its $22 billion in 2008 revenue.

Danny Sullivan, editor of the Search Engine Land blog, says Google may have gotten fed up with censorship, compounded by presumedly state-sponsored probes of its Gmail databases.

Google does obey censorship rules in other countries and may be trying to drive toward less-rigid policies in China, says Sullivan. For instance, Google might readily agree to censor child porn if China agreed to keep its censors away from search results having to do with political discourse, says Sullivan.

But Duncan Clark, chairman at BDA China, a Beijing-based consulting firm, says there are few scenarios he could envision "where Google will win" and China will back down.

"China is not going to make concessions in a public fashion like this," Duncan says.

David Bandurski, a researcher at the University of Hong Kong's China Media Project, agrees there is little chance China will alter its censorship policies and practices.

"The Chinese state regards censorship, or 'guidance of public opinion,' as essential to maintaining social and political stability," says Bandurski.

I forgot.

I can't remember when was the last time I could say I was absolutely free.

Free from shackles that chain people to life.

As philosophical as it may sound, adult life is a billion times harder then the blind freedom of childhood.

I thought I would never ever say such a thing, but when it's right in your face, you cannot deny it...

Life is still as stress as ever, and with the fast paced world rushing around you, the last thing you need is to get your computer to breakdown.

I'm getting the grip of how this entire job functions.

Only the strongest actually survive to become directors. It's like an arena-like job. You go in and get killed. Psychologically, Physically and Spiritually.

You either cling to your dreams for dear life, or just die (leave).

I'm a loner.

I think most people who are more-or-less closer to me would have realised that by now. - It's almost a chore to try to make me turn up for unnecessary events and functions.

Selfishness aside, my motto is - if I'm not good enough for myself, I'm not good enough for anybody.

I believe that work life (spirituality aside) functions with a hierachy like this:

1) Foundation (50%):

Reality forms the base of foundation. If you cannot afford to live, you cannot afford to do anything.

2) Drive (25%):

How much interest and incentive you give yourself to do something pushes your life to form an opaque meaning. This goes for everything, work, play, socializing and even sleeping. Frankly speaking, if you don't have a drive to sleep, you get into all sort of problems AND solutions.

i.e. A person who has too much drive to sleep has low productivity. Whilst a person who has too little drive to sleep is prone to emotional and mental instability.

3) Dreams (25%):

Dreams are good, to a certain extent. They draw out a huge path of possibilities for your future. They support your drive and might even support feasibility in a good foundation. However, dream too much and you become a dreamer. Stop dreaming and you loose everything it means to be human.

Of course, there is ethical and social issues to consider as well.

damm. dunno why I'm thinking so much.

I've got 3 more episodes to read and I'm still goofing around blogging.

anything to escape work huh.

my drive is currently at 10%

my dream is currently at 0%

foundation is probably about 30%

upon hundred, about 40%. Still a failure job.

I should just give up and go on looking.

heh.

I guess not. Something inside me bugs me to continue on and see if I can withstand this sadistic torture for the sake of it.

=/

New Year, New Hope!

And so the relatively short few days of holidays I had is over, and work starts tmr.

Well... HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY.

Depends on what you would define as happy, it's actually an oxymoronic statement.

Of course, what is a new year's blog entry without making my new year's resolution?

So, here goes!

1) GET OUT OF MEDIACORP AS FAST AS MY LEGS CAN TAKE ME!

I'm going to do one more project, then I'm done. 6 months of pure, solid, unrefined work. I would leave with a gladden heart.

2) Get a new job, (time start: 01/02/10) :

Options:

i. Relief teaching (PE, Art, Music, English)

ii. Trainee Chef (Pastry, Baking, Confectionery)

iii. Intern at an MNC Marcomm company

3) Ignore all calls of "passion" and get into the course that I'm supposed to be going to.

Options:

i. NTU: Communication Studies

ii. NTU: Mass Comm (probably an invalid choice. Mediacorp has deaden my love for media)

iii. NUS: New Media and Communication

IV. QUT: 1 year degree in Media and Communication

V. UniMel: 3 years degree in Media and Communication

I must get into at least ONE of these universities or I'm doomed.

4) Freaking get back to my standard gym routine. FIND A JOB THAT GIVES ME THAT TIME.

Yup. Simple. 4 resolutions. Clear, concise and precise. Something that doesn't require me to plan much, but EXTREMELY HEAVY on my future.

.... it may sound a bit morbid... but recently, my obsession over time management issues is pressing in quite painfully.

The more I think about it, the less time I have.

Practicality VS Passion

The time for pursuing "passion" is over. The lie that society kept teaching is that you should follow your passion.

Passion doesn't grant you food on your table, happiness to the people around you, or does it even ensure your own future happiness.

Practicality however is straight forward, and as long as you center your happiness around how you view your work, it should turn out alright.

You cannot eat your dreams, but reality puts food on the table.

This is going to be my mantra for this year.

There is no time left. I'm 23 years old this year. TOO OLD FOR GAMES.

My future MUST be planned out, carved and set in stone before this year is up.

But first.. Ladies and Gentlemen,

I would pleasantly like to announce the start of my countdown:

DAYS TILL I LEAVE MEDIACORP : 90 days / 2160 hrs

Hahaha.. I never even counted my ORD so concisely.